transcript fic
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Netflix presents Richie Tozier: Hold My Fanny Pack by kyaticlikestea
Fandoms: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
13 Jan 2020
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The absolute best thing that anyone can say about me as a gay icon is that I provide representation to a very marginalised group of people: gay men who don’t know how to dress well. Yeah, I’m thinking of applying to host the next season of Queer Eye and just putting every single contestant in, like, an old Hawaiian shirt and Crocs. I’ll be like, “as a gay man, I always dress for maximum comfort, just in case I have to run away from a gang of homophobes with knives. Here, put on these sweatpants with a ketchup stain on the crotch,” and ratings will soar. I live to subvert stereotypes. I may be the only gay in my relationship, but my boyfriend is the one who can dress.
A transcript of Richie Tozier's second Netflix special, in which jokes are once more made, the middle-aged queer experience is introduced, and the problems of having a super hot boyfriend are rigorously and academically dissected. Or not. Either one.
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YouTube presents: Billy on the Street with Richie Tozier!! by kyaticlikestea
Fandoms: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
14 Jan 2020
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Richie: Oh, we had the engagement bacchanal already.
Billy: I’m talking about the steamy pre-marital affair!
Richie: Ah, yeah. I haven’t got round to that one yet. It’s on the agenda, obviously. I actually have it pencilled in for next Thursday, because Eddie has a pottery class.
Billy: God, I hate him.
Richie: Yeah, he’s a piece of shit.
Billy: So are you ready? We’re gonna find you a hot piece of gay to have an emotionally turbulent tryst with in the weeks before your wedding, and we’re gonna pay him a dollar for the privilege, and it’s gonna be a total moral grey area, but it’ll be great for our viewcount.
Richie: It’s too late to back out, right? Spagheds, I am so sorry -
Billy: No time for regrets! We’re gonna get you ploughed before you say your vows. Come on!Billy Eichner takes it upon himself to scour the streets of New York in order to help soon-to-be movie star and current fiancé, Richie Tozier, have one last wild week before his wedding. No-one seems too enthused, least of all Richie himself. It's the thought that counts.
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Buzzfeed Presents: Thirst Tweets with Richie Tozier and Eddie Kaspbrak by kyaticlikestea
Fandoms: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
21 Jan 2020
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@iwannabealoser2
Sorry mom, I can’t come to the phone right now, I’m daydreaming about snowboarding down the vein on @ekaspbrak’s forearm and landing directly into his open mouth.
Richie Tozier, beloved comedian and besotted fiancé, spends his last day as an unmarried man reading thirst tweets for Buzzfeed. Eddie is a secret evil genius. None of these tweets are from Paul Rudd, except for the one that just might be.
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Buzzfeed Presents: 10 Times Richie and Eddie Tozier were Very, Very Married by kyaticlikestea
Fandoms: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
21 Jan 2020
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Stanley Uris @surisaccounting
I was going through my most recent photos and came across this nice one of @richietozier and @etozier at their wedding last week. Congratulations to the happy couple. They’ve never looked better.
[attached image is a photo of two penguins arguing]Richie ‘My Husband is Also A’ Tozier ✔ @richietozier
replying to @surisaccounting
Hey @surisaccounting take down that tweet or I’ll keep doing this
[attached image is a photo of a Common Potoo, which has been incorrectly labelled ‘Crow’ in Comic Sans font]Buzzfeed makes a list of all the times Richie and Eddie Tozier, beloved husbands of the Internet, were incredibly married. Perhaps unsurprisingly, it isn't a short list.
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Mystery Work
Part of Private fics
Summary
This is part of an ongoing challenge and will be revealed soon!
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Mystery Work
Part of Private fics
Summary
This is part of an ongoing challenge and will be revealed soon!
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Mystery Work
Part of Private fics
Summary
This is part of an ongoing challenge and will be revealed soon!
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The Very Hungry Archivist by hitchhikersguidetothealexy
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
02 Oct 2020
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okay so LISTEN you know how jon starts "eating" statements out of people's brains in season 4? well i was like, what if he started eating other stuff too? and then the muses spoke to me and i blacked out and this cursed content is all that remained. takes place at some point vaguely in season 4.
inspired by a comment from tiktok user @areallycoolpotato.
my first fic EVER be nice ;)
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A Pleasant Looking Frog by hitchhikersguidetothealexy
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
05 Oct 2020
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okay do you remember in that q&a one time someone asked jonny what jon would do in his free time and he was like "he probably has some weird collection." well my mind immediately thought FROGS FROGS FROGS.
and THEN me and my friend went to a build-a-bear workshop together so that she could make a stuffed frog (i got an eevee in case you were wondering) and i was like oh,,,, now it's all coming together.
i conceived the entire thing in the shower last night and then wrote it all down in like ten minutes.
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and if we don't meet again by SmallishWormMasterOfTheUniverse
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
17 Nov 2020
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"It sort of makes me feel like you can hear me. Just like you always could, you know?"
After everything is over, Martin goes to visit Jon.
Series
- Part 1 of what happens after we don't die
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life in the archives (sure to make you lose your mind) by SmallishWormMasterOfTheUniverse
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
10 Jan 2021
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Statement of Head Archivist Jonathan Sims, regarding one Martin K. Blackwood wandering around the Archives without pants.
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what dusty-ass librarian is this? by enby_gerrydelano (starful_nights) for ghoulemporium
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
24 Jan 2021
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we all know jon is very prone to leaving tape recorders on. but does that only apply to tape recorders?
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Martin gains a new skill. Elias is, to say the least, delighted.
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Case ########-27B
An exploration of pain.
Recorded by The Archivist in Situ.
Content warnings:
• Scopophobia
• Fire/Burning buildings
• Hospitals
• Schadenfreude
• Bystander apathy
• Extreme medical malpractice
• Ableism (incl. medical ableism)
• Torture
• Body horror
• Involuntary commitment
• Amputation (implied)
• Euthanasia/Assisted suicide
• Chronic pain
• Character death
• Suicidal ideation
• Mentions of: apocalyptic conditions, hopelessness, mass sufferingAn Episode Transcript
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Episode 2: Fluorescent by SmallishWormMasterOfTheUniverse
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
07 Dec 2021
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My therapist told me not to come here. We spent a whole session on it. He says that if I tell you what happened to me, I’ll be reinforcing my flawed worldview. I think catastrophizing was the word he used. In the end, I told him I wouldn’t. I don’t really like disagreeing with people. But the thing is that I’m not catastrophizing. Everybody at Edison’s Grocery really does want to kill me.
Statement of Sophia Anderson, regarding a number of odd encounters at Edison’s Grocery.
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- Part 3 of Nobody Wants an Office Romance
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Episode 3: Likes to Watch by SmallishWormMasterOfTheUniverse
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
14 Dec 2021
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I’d like to start this off by saying that I’ve never had any interest in torturing animals. I’ve never had any interest in torturing anyone. I don’t even have revenge fantasies, you know, against people who’ve wronged me. I’m more of a turn the other cheek kind of guy. That’s why I don’t understand why this is happening. I know I’m not perfect, but I honestly can’t think of anything I could have done to deserve this.
Statement of Jacob Miller, regarding time spent with a childhood friend.
Series
- Part 4 of Nobody Wants an Office Romance
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take me to the Moon (I feel so used) by A_PhoenixInferno
Fandoms: The College Tapes (Podcast), The Bright Sessions (Podcast)
18 Dec 2021
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Annabelle shows up at Yale after they've defeated the cult and Adam defends his Atypical family.
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Episode 4: Supervision by SmallishWormMasterOfTheUniverse
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
19 Dec 2021
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Benji cannot remember how long he has been at work today, but he is quite certain that it hasn’t been long enough. From the next cubicle over, slightly muffled by the fiberboard wall, he hears fingers on keys. They move so quickly and in such a precise-sounding pattern that it seems almost possible to detect the exact words they are typing. They sing. Sing of deadlines met, of objectives fulfilled, of files moved from inbox to outbox with a gullet-smooth slide.
Employment-related anxieties.
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- Part 5 of Nobody Wants an Office Romance
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Episode 5: The Archivist by SmallishWormMasterOfTheUniverse
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
29 Dec 2021
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You still can’t quite believe this is your office. You’ve been sat in your new chair for a good five minutes now, running your hands over the smooth surface of your desk and absorbing the importance of this moment. You’ve also been keeping an eye on your closed door, in case someone decides to come in and see what you’re up to. After a point, of course, this small ritual becomes procrastination. You still can’t quite believe this is your office, and that it is such a mess. Boxes stacked on nearly every available surface, papers spilling out of them like pots boiling over. Everything crumpled, out of order, the dust that coats it saying more effectively than the labels how long it’s been here. The last person to hold this job disappeared under mysterious circumstances. It’s possible she had the right idea.
Statement of— Statement of some unfortunate arse. I’m going to have to record over this.
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- Part 6 of Nobody Wants an Office Romance
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Episode 6: Catching Up by SmallishWormMasterOfTheUniverse
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
02 Jan 2022
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SASHA: Do you think this is all actually going to happen, Jon?
ARCHIVIST: I, I don’t know. The way that it’s written… I can’t tell if it’s going to happen, o-or if it already has.
TIM: You can’t tell if I’ve already died?
SASHA: Maybe you’re in purgatory.
TIM: Nah, definitely hell.
A conversation between the Archivist and his assistants, regarding the verifiable details of the past and present.
Series
- Part 7 of Nobody Wants an Office Romance
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Selected transcripts and supporting materials from Dr. Castiel Williams and Dean Winchester’s seminal study on physiological and psychological sexual response by gender designation.
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United States v. Barnes, 617 F. Supp. 2d 143 (D.D.C. 2015) by fallingvoices, radialarch
Fandoms: Captain America (Movies)
29 Sep 2014
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The Associated Press @AP
Winter Soldier set to stand trial for Washington D.C. massacre and treason apne.ws/1og6SWE