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    Ilya Rozanov has spent ten years circling Shane Hollander. Ten years of hotel rooms and secret phone calls. Ten years of pretending he doesn't feel it, doesn't need it, doesn't wake up reaching for someone who's already gone. Ten years convincing himself he's not good enough. That he's not worth it.

    Then a plane needs to make an emergency landing near Montreal, and Yuna Hollander is on it.

    So when Shane calls him from a bathroom floor, unable to breathe, Ilya stops pretending.

    After five hundred miles of frozen highway, three and a half hours of driving like a man possessed, a hospital waiting room full of people who have every reason to hate him, and a boy who looks at him like he's something worth keeping, Ilya may have learned a thing or two about what it means to be loved—and to let himself love freely.

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    08 Jul 2026

    Bookmarker's Notes

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  2. Public Bookmark *

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    Remember when Hayden Pike punches Ilya after Shane said not to, right before the announcement of the Irina Foundation? Remember that that was the second time Hayden laid his hands on Ilya in the first month of knowing him?

    Or, Shane gets rightfully fed up after the first month of Hayden's behavior towards Ilya. Punching Ilya was the final straw, so he tells Hayden to pretend he never found out. It sets off a chain of events landing him, happily, in Ottawa a year earlier and with a better support system for both him and Ilya.

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    Chapters:
    18/18
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    08 Jul 2026

    Bookmarker's Notes

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  3. Public Bookmark *

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    This jumps in right after the cottage - the boys have just separated to head home for their respective preseasons. As with most of my work, this jumps around in the timeline. Watch out for that. Let me know in the comments if you were ever confused.
    It's entirely possible I wrote this for myself and no one else would be into this weird-ass concept which is perfectly fine - write the fanfic you want in the world! Basically I just wanted to create a world where Ilya would ACTUALLY die without Shane, and this is what came out. This has very light a/b/o dynamics. Other than the main hook of the story being rejection sickness, mostly it's just angst and hurt/comfort.
    I read every single comment and appreciate anyone who takes the time to read, comment, kudos, etc.

    Housekeeping:
    Italic text = Russian
    This fic uses a work skin to simulate text messages. If you turn it off or read on an e-reader, they should still be visible (no promises) - just not as fun. (I tested it on my ereader with an epub and I could still see the texts - I use a kobo because f*** bezos)
    No generative AI used in this fic - every word and error came from my fanfic-soaked brain.

    Language:
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    07 Jul 2026

    Bookmarker's Notes

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  4. Public Bookmark *

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    Loud beeps from his phone startled Ilya, and he slowed down, reaching for the device he’d put on the bar between his legs. Jane. He smiled to himself when he saw the notifications, and, checking Marlowe was absorbed in his own fitness, opened it quickly, smiling in anticipation of Shane's words.

    The smile was wiped off his face almost instantly.

    The blood drained from his face, and Ilya felt like the bottom had just fallen out of his world.

    *****

    Maybe he was naive, but Ilya always thought he had time. Time with Shane. Time to tell him what he truly meant to him.

    That, somehow, one way or another, Shane would always be there.

    But a text message late one night threatens to destroy the future that Ilya has spent the time carefully constructing in his mind.

    Maybe Shane wasn't always going to be there. That Shane would be cruelly snatched away from him before he had a chance to be honest.

    That he would be left behind. Alone.

    Language:
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    13/13
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    07 Jul 2026

    Bookmarker's Notes

    my favs❤️

  5. Public Bookmark *

    Words:
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    07 Jul 2026

    Bookmarker's Notes

    my favs❤️